Drunkard's Progress

The song Drunkard's Special, Harry Smith Anthology Vol. I, comes from old English sources, one song called Merry Cuckold and a Kind Wife.  The original involves the singer admitting to being too drunk to think straight, and a wife who convinces him that what he is seeing is not what really is.  My version is an allegory, an upgrade of the story.       

Drunkard's Progress  

I'd been out late at night, drinkin' hard rock 'n roll.
My head was really spinning, so I took it real slow.
I pull into the driveway, I'm a little bit amazed.
There's a black Cadillac parked right in my place.

I walk into the house.  "What's the deal with the car?"
My woman says "You're drunk, you barely know where you are.
You must be seeing things."  So I pulled her out t'the back.
"Are my eyes playing tricks or is that a Cadillac?"

She turned and walked away, said, "You're acting like a fool.
Ain't nothing there at all, calm yourself,  just be cool."
She took me back inside, says, "You better go to bed
I'll be there in a while.  Go to sleep, rest your head."

I was out like a light when the pillow put me down,
Till something woke me up, a strange familiar kind of sound.
I walk into the living room and much to my surprise
Is my woman and and a stranger with their bodies intertwined.

I'm standing right in front of them watching their embrace.
My woman hot and heavy sweat pouring down her face.
She doesn't stop her rocking when I say, "What's goin' on?"
Just looks me in the eye, says "What planet are you on?

I say "Are you denying that you're making love with him?"
She says, "You're making me scared, you keep on talkin' like this."
I'm sitting here on the couch, just watching tv.
Now who you gonna listen to, your lyin' eyes or me?

Well I went back to bed, but I really couldn't sleep well.
The huffing and the puffing no, it really didn't set well.
The screaming and the scratching sounds had started givin' me hell.
But I was still so drunk there wasn't no way that I could really tell.

I thought I saw two other guys as naked as the first,
And they were taking turns and she was moaning "Brother do your worst."
I slapped my face to see if my old head was really on.
What I felt was real enough, to know there's something going on.

It looked just like a gang bang, as far as I could see.
When I began to stammer, all she did was hiss at me,
"You're so drunk you're saying stupid things, I can't believe you're standing.
This hallucination is the strangest one you've ever had,

Ain't nothing going on, it's in your mind, go back to bed,
Call the doctor in the morning, get something for your head.
But I was more concerned what's goin' down between her thighs.
"Now who you gonna listen to, me, or your lying eyes."  

Now was it my hallucination popped me in the head?
Was it my imagination when they put my frame in bed?

When I woke up I'm aching like I never have before,
It's morning and my woman's waving someone out the door.
When I go to the bathroom and I look into the mirror
My face is black and blue, and I'm feeling sick and really weird,
I got two black eyes plain as day for all to see.
Now who you gonna listen to,
your lyin' eyes or me? 

Copyright © 2009, 2014 by David Larstein, all rights reserved.

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